Our white Australian culture has some preset notions that set us all up to aspire to things that are rarely possible:
- Family is everything, blood is thicker than water, if your family can't love you who will?
- You must find "the one" perfect mate to save you and you will live happily ever after,
- Your friends must BFF ( best friends forever) or it just isn't real!
Just the name a few...
All of these are contingent on a "set and forget" mentality. You are expected to make a choice ( or in the case of family you don't even get to make a choice) and then quite literally expect that whatever, or whom ever you have chosen will last for the rest of your life. You a actually hear people use the phrase "set for life".
This does not allow us to change, to grow, or to reassess anywhere nearly as much as we should be doing to live a happy life.
I have come to believe that my happiness is my responsibility. My choices directly impact upon this and it is not up to anyone else to "make me happy". Nor should I sit around wishing for something to change. If i want something to change I need to make it change!
You might be wondering what this all has to do with polyamory. Trust me, before you even consider multiple relationships you need to fully understand that you are the author of your own story, and that the path you are on in your own choice. Issues like insecurity and jealousy will all need to be handled internally and you will no longer expect people to "make you feel better",
Of course all these principals can and should be applied to other relationships (including monogamy) but to navigate the wonderful world of poly they are a must!