Tuesday, 1 November 2016

How can you call yourself a Christian?

For those of you who missed episode 1 of my blog, I am a lesbian and I am happily married to a man but I call myself bisexual because people seem to find that easier to accept. We are a polyamorous couple and we are also Christians. 

 I will just take a moment here to specify that this article is not a debate on whether God exists or if organised religion is valid. If you read on hopefully it will be with the expectation that I will be talking about God as being very real to me but I totally respect that He may not be real to you. 

I was raised in a half Catholic half Anglican family and from a young age felt a call of God on my life to be an instrument of His love and peace. As an adult I changed denominations to the Assemblies of God (Pentecostal) and I went to Bible college and trained as a pastor. I then worked as a youth pastor for several years.

When I came out as lesbian two and a half years ago I think most people expected me to drop my faith. Then, when we came to the realisation that polyamory was indeed the way to keep our marriage intact, the question hung over me like a cloud:

 "So how do you still call yourself a Christian?"

For a long time  I didn't actually know how to answer this question. I had belonged to Churches which clearly preached that homosexuality was wrong and although deep down I never agreed (I think part of me must have always known I was gay) I had never challenged the status quo. 

After awhile I could no longer avoid the question so I went to God, whom I always feel speaks to me, and I went back to the book that I had studied so well, the Bible. 
The conclusions I have come to are controversial and I'm pretty sure that readers from my old life and in fact many others will emphatically disagree but here goes...

One of the biggest criticisms levied at the Bible is the fact that it contradicts itself often and quite dramatically. As a believer it is very hard to argue with this as it is actually true. Lately I feel God is showing me that those contradictions are there for a reason. This actually makes sense. If we are to believe that the Bible is the divine inspired word of God then how can anything be an accident? 

I believe in a God that is big enough to see that we are all very different from one another. Taking this into account there really can be no 'one right way' to Him.  Many paths are laid out, often contradicting each other, but all appearing to be the 'right way'. I believe that this is to account for these differences.

If the diversity in human nature is infinite, 
shouldn't the path to God contain infinite possibilities?  

Think about the logic in this for a minute. 
People do not fit into a neat box with regard to so many things and yet churches expect us to fit in a closed pre-defined box when it comes to our relationship with God. 
The longer I think on this the more crazy it sounds! 

Provided we live our life with integrity and are earnestly seeking God we will have a relationship with Him. He will meet us where we are. If God is love and we are seeking that love He will not withhold it from us lest he contradict the very nature of His being. 

The issue that divides us- SIN

The concept of 'sin' is interesting. I have discovered that sin is something that separates us from feeling God's love. If we are seeking to be in relationship with Him he will convict us personally if we do something that separates us from His love. I have always described this as my 'Holy Spirit conscience'. I do get rather annoyed that there are some things I don't seem to get away with that other people do, but by the same token there are things in my life that I know God sanctions that other people feel I shouldn't get away with. At the end of the day it is very individual. Sin is something that separates us from God and due to our diversity our 'lists' are all going to look very different. 

This is why I believe that sin should not be legislated into a global list. 

What ends up happening is that Churches create a list,  then the lists are used to exclude people ( from fellowship but also from the list holders' definition of salvation). The list becomes dangerous as people tell each other that God cannot possibly accept them due to their huge number of failings.
The list becomes a weapon of judgement in the hands of humans who are supposed to be an instrument of peace.
The contradictions in the Bible pale in comparison to the discrepancies in the lists believe you me!  It ends up being ridiculous.

Jesus himself scrapped the 10 commandments and told us " Love God, love each other " . 

It's a simple concept to follow. Churches  choose to complicate it with way too much doctrine. 

As I have been saying, we are each responsible for our own path. That means we are each responsible for our own walk with God, if we choose to have one. 

Being LGBT and polyamorous does not diminish my capability to love God and love others. In fact, I think it increases it. After all God is the perfect model of an all inclusive love! He loves us as if we were the only person in the world regardless of our sexual preference or relationship choices. This is exactly how we should love each other.

For those of you waiting for me to quote the Bible I don't plan on doing so. 
But I will give you something.
Firstly, Jesus did not speak on homosexuality and if you read the Gospels carefully he did tend to summarise the main points of the Bible quite well.  
Secondly, the Bible lays out three relationship styles, polyamory, monogamy and celibacy. The 'great men of God' from the Old Testament had multiple wives and this practice was never denounced, nor were they demoted from their status of godliness when Jesus and the apostles spoke of them. 

So my conclusion is this:

People who presume to speak on God's behalf should be avoided. 

God speaks to us directly. 

It is that simple.

And this is how I still call myself a Christian!

*Because there are so many LGBT and Poly people all over the world who have been rejected by Churches I have started a closed group for poly people who are Bible believing  ( including Jewish,  Messianic Jews and Christians ) 
If you want to be part of some uplifting discussions please join us by clicking the link below. All of us there have grasped the concept of non judgmental faith. If this is not for you please disregard. 


  1. It takes a bloody strong person to be a lesbian polyamous woman married to a man. It takes someone with even more strength to uphold their faith while doing so. My favourite sentence: "People do not fit into a neat box with regard to so many things and yet churches expect us to fit in a closed pre-defined box when it comes to our relationship with God." Spot on, mate.

  2. Very well said. Thank you so much for having the courage to just be you!

  3. Thank you Rikki ��
    I am hoping I can inspire people to be themselves too because ourself is exactly who we are supposed to be xx